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NOTICE ME YOUCIS, NOTICE ME!
THE WORLD WAS SPLIT IN TWO
WHEN I WAS BORN THE WORLD WAS SPLIT IN TWO BUT NOBODY BELIEVES ME. I KNOW IT TO BE TRUE, I ALONE SEE ACROSS THE CHASM THAT CONTAINED THE PROMISE.
THE PROMISE OF THE FUTURE, OF THE THINGS I NEVER GOT TO EXPERIENCE. IT ALL WHISPERS TO ME IN MY SLEEP, I SEE THE WISPY WHITE WINTERS, SNOW, DELICATE FLOWERS, I FEEL THE SOFT LINEN SHEETS ON MY CHEST AND THE BREEZE FLOWING ACROSS IT. I CAN FEEL SOMEONE HOLDING MY HAND, I HEAR THE WIND FLOWING THROUGH THE LEAVES OF MY CHILDHOOD BACKYARD TREE AS MY SISTER AND I SIT ON A CUSHION OF PINE NEEDLES. I REMEMBER THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED. I REMEMBER THE FALL FESTIVAL, AND HOW WE GOT TOGETHER AND STUFFED A SCARECROW AS PERFORMERS SUNG THEIR DISTANT SONG ON STAGE. THE HAY BALES I SAT ON IN THE TRAILER BLEW TINY BITS OF GRAIN OR FIBER INTO MY EYES BUT THEY DON'T HURT. I SET UP A SQUIRREL TRAP USING A LITTLE TREE I BENT OVER AND I WAS SAD WHEN IT ACTUALLY WORKED.
WHY DID I HAVE TO BE BORN WITH MEMORIES OF A BETTER TIME? IF DEATH CAME TO SUCH A GOOD LIFE THEN WHY DID I HAVE TO BE BORN INTO THIS AWFUL ONE?
I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE ALOFT A HILL EMBRACING THE COOLING BREEZE FLOWING OVER ME AS I CLOSE MY EYES AND LOOK AT THE SUN SHINING THROUGH MY EYELIDS GENTLY, AS WAS POST-TOLD IN MY DREAMS THAT NEVER WERE.
dust floating around an old chain link fence that is kinda just a part of the scenery, nobodys cared about this place for a long time. over there is where they used to have horseshoe games and cornhole competitions back when there wasnt phones and stuff, now theres no such thing as passing the time or even normal conversation, the world we were born in no longer exists.
how could that happen though?
we used to go fishing in the creek down by the other house, you used to be able to hear the frogs croaking from your bedroom window at night, the ticking of the mechanical clock in the other room barely heard, now we are seperated from ourselves and that which makes us happy but how could that happen how could that happen i dont know. the temperature is rising and has been since before we were born we used to think it was the warmth of the sun shining on us from beyond a glass pane in our rooms but now it is all consuming and we ahve no rest
im a bird in a cage and when i chip hello to the cages around me i get no replies i get no replies but i know they are in there. they send me memes on my phone but be are born free, free, free to do whatever we desire with out world our world that our forefathers made for us in their image and we dont live in that world anymore we live in the aftermath of its destruction but it was not them who destroyed it it was us and so here we stand red handed amidst the ruins even if only during a brief respite from our dopamine machines or hardcore pornography
do you feel it, feel it with me. fighter, dancer, painter, the man with a thousand faces i know you are here and we shall rise again, we shall rise again when this ebb meets its flow and that which is the antithesis of us no longer exists. so just fight fight against the destruction of your wolrd and fight for the sake of fighting.
we arent special, any notion that you had that we were gonna be in blissful sleep one day and have our own garden or what the fuck ever isnt gonna happen. as we grow into adults we see that thats never gonna heppen, we arent gonna be rich or famous we cant even stop browsing instagram for 2 seconds how would we ever make any change in our lives thats more than quitting fortnite by god the first thing we look at before we go to bed is our phones and its also the first thing we see in the morning
we arent special we arent even good so what use is it if we were to have our dreams come true if we arent good. naw screw that lets just fight the power
i want to fall down the stairs, i want to get burned, i want to get into a fight, i want to be stabbed, i want to breathe smoke and be worried im going to have permenant lung damage, i want to get a bullet stuck in my left hip for 5 years until i can afford surgery, i want to live, and live on the edge full of danger and i never knew danger or fear growing up so how can i be scared of that which i cant even imagine, i want to pass out, i want my whole house to be consumed by a tornado and be tossed around like how a stepdad tosses around his mixed race step son, i want to wake up in a cold basement shivering, i want to be pinned under a car, i want to see my own blood draining away from my body down the sidewalk
what are you gonna do about it you son of a bitch, you smell like shit, if i were to kill you right now i would get away with it, all the investigators would find is your body and only 3 days after i actually do it, you care so much about yourself so how can you fight someone like me, you are afriad of ordering a pizza how can you be anything close to what i am, you are nothing and i am a part of nature.